Microwave Massacre (1979)

Is it a horror film that thinks it’s a comedy? Or is it a comedy that thinks it’s a horror film? You be the judge as a hen-pecked husband’s already volatile home-life is suddenly made worse when his shrewish wife purchases an industrial-size microwave oven for their suburban home; all in a terribly misguided effort to add a little gourmet-style class to their meals – now with only half the prep-time!

And while Donald (Vernon) would be happy with just plain old bologna and beans, he is constantly presented with culinary nightmares that he stubbornly refuses to eat, which always results in a nasty argument with May (Ginsberg), which then ultimately results in Donald going over the edge and murdering his wife when one of these kerfuffles gets out of hand.

To hide the body, Donald chops it up into more manageable portions, wraps them in aluminum foil, and stores them in the freezer to be disposed of later.

From there, life seems to go a lot better for this liberated man, who unwittingly cooks up a chunk of his wife for a midnight snack. But instead of being repulsed, Donald likes the taste of her -- so much so, he quickly finishes her body off -- except for the head. (That would be just weird.)

And with his fridge now empty, our peckish hero soon goes on a comical killing spree to constantly replenish his stores, which is compounded when all of Donald’s co-workers get addicted to sharing his sack-lunches and demand more of that scrumptious mystery meat.

Shot in 1979 but not released until 1983, considering when it was made, people walking into Microwave Massacre (1979) expecting some kind of Slasher movie will be way off the mark. And those out looking for a comedy, which this technically is, should be warned we aren’t exactly in the Zucker Brothers territory either.

No, this film is more akin to the blunt head-trauma comedy of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) in that it plays the genre conventions its aping completely straight but ratches them up to ludicrous speed.

Not all the gags work, but a surprising number do. My absolute favorite bit is how the bread used to gag Donald’s sister-in-law, Evelyn (Alt), keeps getting moldier and moldier each time we check back in on her after she was captured. See, Evelyn figured out what he was up to, but Donald refused to kill and eat her like the others, convinced the old sourpuss would taste awful, and kept her trussed up in the closet instead.

And it still makes me laugh that Frosty the Snowman, Jackie Vernon, played a cannibalistic serial killer. Apparently, the producers wanted to get Rodney Dangerfield but he proved well out of their price range after Caddyshack (1980) hit big. It was no big loss as Vernon acquitted himself quite admirably.

I remember trying to watch Microwave Massacre back in the 1980s during the halcyon days of VHS rentals, drawn to it in the horror aisle at the Video Kingdom by that magnificent Midnight Video box-art.

Alas, the tape was so used and abused and filled with so many crinkles, I feared for my VCR's life and gave up barely ten minutes in before the heads were totally fried. Our rental outlet had several other of those Midnight Videos but the only one that ever played worth a damn was The Wizard of Gore (1970).

This was also around the same time my family got a microwave, a big old Amana Radar Range, which weighed a ton and hummed at sterilization levels whenever engaged; and I remember having to mark and remember the hot-spots to cook things properly or you'd wind up with something still frozen on one end and molten on the other, just patiently waiting for that depressurizing first bite.

Anyhoo, glad I finally caught up to Microwave Massacre, as there’s lots to enjoy if you take the film on its own demented terms and are properly prepared for a heaping helping of borscht and corn. It also helps that the Arrow Video release has once more put together one helluva package, making it all go down smoother.

The El Paso Times (March 1, 1986).

The film is restored and looks great -- perhaps too great, and maybe could’ve used a few nostalgic crinkles and vid-rolls. There’s also a wonderful making-of feature, My Microwave Massacre, which gives an oral history on the making of the film by those involved: director Wayne Berwick -- son of Irwin Berwick, who was responsible for The Monster of Piedras Blancas (1959), Hitch Hike to Hell (1977) and Malibu High (1979), writer Craig Muckler, and actor Loren Schein; and it’s topped off with a delightful commentary by Muckler moderated by Mike Trustino that's filled with all kinds of insights on the lengthy production and the several years journey to find a distributor.

Thus, while I would recommend a view of Microwave Massacre for those with stern constitutions, we will not be taking any responsibility for any tummy issues or indigestion the film may cause.  

Originally posted on August 21, 2016, at Micro-Brewed Reviews. 

Microwave Massacre (1979) Reel Life Productions :: Muckler/Singer Productions / P: Craig Muckler, Thomas Singer / D: Wayne Berwick / W: Thomas Singer, Craig Muckler (story) / C: Karen Grossman / E: Steven Nielson / M: Leif Horvath / S: Jackie Vernon, Claire Ginsberg, Sarah Alt, Loren Schein, Al Troupe