The New and Improved Beach Dickerson Drinking Game (Patent Pending).

When watching Roger Corman's prehistoric / post-apocalyptic Tale of Teen Angst railing against the Scourge of Archaic Dogma -- all wrapped up in a bearskin loincloth and stock-footage lizards, if you look close enough, you'll spot the same extra popping up, over and over again, only to be killed off, over and over again.

And it was this paradoxical anomaly that inspired Yours Truly to invent The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game (Patent Pending). Wait, you say. Who’s Beach Dickerson? Well, follow the handy link and all will be answered. Now. All you need to play this particular Drinking Game is a stash of your favorite brew, a copy of Teenage Caveman (1958), a sharp eye, and a healthy thirst. Beyond that, the rules are simple:

Rule One: Every time you spot our boy Beach lurking about, take a drink. (That's him on the left pictured below, fighting with Robert Vaughn on the right.) Rule Two: On the not so rare occasions when he dies -- yes, plural deaths, drink twice. Rule Three: On the rare occasions where he manages to kill himself during the movie, finish off whatever's left in your glass / can / receptacle of your choice.

For those of you without a copy of the movie, fear not! You can still play. For I now present The New and Improved Home Version of The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game for your viewing and drinking pleasure. Now, pop one open, keep your eyes peeled, and let's all get snockered together, shall we? Let us begin:

And here, around the 3:25 mark, we have our first official Beach sighting:

Drink.

Now. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled during all the crowd scenes. Like this one here:

Drink.

And this one here:

Drink.

And here:

Drink.

Aaaaaaaaand here:

Drink.

Meanwhile ... Guess who got to wear the bear suit?

Drink.

And guess who doesn't survive the bear hunt?

Drink twice.

Then here he is again, hungry for some bear meat:

Drink.

And again:

Drink.

And when they cross the Forbidden River, our boy Beach is the last one across:

Drink.

Then, when the shit hits the fan once they’re across the Forbidden River, our boy is also the last one out:

Drink.

Alas, one misstep leads our hero to his doom in the Sinking Earth:

Drink twice.

Wait. What? That’s it? Already?! We’re not even buzzed yet. Oh, wait. Look-at-that. There he is again:

Drink.

And again…

Drink.

And again...

Drink.

Waitaminute. Who's that mounted stranger from the Burning Plain? You guessed it:

Drink.

And who's that guy in the crowd watching the mounted stranger from the Burning Plain?

Drink.

And guess who threw that lethal spear?

Yup. Finish your drink.

Whoops! Check that. He's not quite dead yet:

Drink.

No. Wait. He dead. Never mind:

Drink twice.

And that's it. No. Wait! Hold on! Turns out Beach is still alive...

Drink.

And well...

Drink.

And patiently waiting to see how his director is gonna kill him next:

Drink.

But as we barrel toward the climax:

Drink.

Don't let that wig fool ya:

Drink.

That's still our boy Beach:

The End. Finish your drink.

And there ya go. Congratulations! You made it. (Maybe.) And you know what? It only seems fair and fitting that when the dust settles and The Beast that Gives Death with its Touch is vanquished, our boy Beach is still standing when the movie and our slightly sozzled drinking game comes to an end, even though we're probably not. *hic*

Originally posted on December 18, 2009, at Micro-Brewed Reviews.