The Candy Snatchers (1973)

Today our little sleazenoir / potboiler of a tale involving kidnapping, seedy characters, and double-crosses wastes little time getting up to speed, as we open on three hoodlums in a VW microbus trailing a young girl on the sly. And when this girl, sixteen year old Candy, sticks her thumb out for a ride, the van stops but their intentions are far from Samaritan in nature.

Before she can react, Candy (Sennet) is yanked inside, blindfolded, bound and gagged, and then driven to a remote spot, where she is buried alive in a shallow grave. 

But before the kidnappers leave, one of the hoodlums tells the girl through the air tube to relax, because if her old man comes through with the ransom, she'll be home in time for supper.

With that, the three kidnappers -- Jessie (Bolling), her hot-headed brother, Alan (David), and the husky Eddie (Martorano), who are kinda like the Mod Squad if Linc were a sweaty, doughy, middle-aged white guy -- all pile back into the van and leave to deliver the ransom note to Candy's father.

The man they seek runs an upscale jewelry store. And as Eddie runs interference so Alan can hide the ransom note, Jessie, the obvious ringleader, makes a call from a nearby pay phone and asks to speak to the owner.

When Avery (Piazza) answers, she tells him where to find the envelope with their demands, and if he ever wants to see his daughter alive again, to follow their instructions, including, of course, no police interference.

Now, the ransom for Candy's safe return is every diamond in the store, which are to be delivered to a specific drop-off spot. Then, Candy will be released unharmed. If not, she'll come home in pieces.

Still inside the store, Eddie watches as Avery, who is visibly shaken by this turn of events, finds the ransom note. But he quickly recovers, asks the remaining customers to leave, saying he’s closing early, and then sends his help home, too.

Returning to the van, Eddie happily reports that their kidnapping caper is going off like a Greek watch. I honestly have no idea what that means, but we’ll assume he means everything has gone according to plan without a hitch. 

But soon enough, an unexpected fatal hitch sees these plans going all to hell, thanks to some devious twists no one could've ever predicted...

Guerdon Trueblood’s first credit as a screenwriter was for the French feature film The Day the Hotline Got Hot (alias Le rouble à deux faces, 1968), but he is probably better known for his work writing teleplays for the small screen.

In 1970, he wrote two seminal Made for TV Movies, Sole Survivor (1970), a supernatural tale of intrigue that revolved around the wreck of an old World War II vintage bomber and the ghosts that still haunt it, and The Love War (1970), a slightly wonky tale, where two factions of hostile aliens assume human forms and continue their clandestine war on Earth.

Trueblood would then return to features, penning the offbeat tale of returning Vietnam veterans on a cross-country road trip in Welcome Home, Soldier Boys (1971), which takes a shockingly violent left-turn in the third act. And The Last Hard Men (1976), where an aged lawman is forced out of retirement when an old adversary breaks out of jail and comes gunning for him.

After that, Trueblood would team up with Alan Landsburg for a string of telefilms, where the animal kingdom goes berserk. 

Landsburg had produced a ton of cryptid and paranormal documentaries in the 1970s, including The Outer Space Connection (1975), Secrets of the Bermuda Triangle (1978) and Manbeast! Myth or Monster? (1978), one of my favorite Bigfoot docs. He would also launch the anthology series In Search Of… (1977-1982), where host Leonard Nimoy took us on a journey to explore “lost civilizations, extraterrestrials, myths and monsters, missing persons, magic and witchcraft, and unexplained phenomena."

And together, Landsburg and Trueblood would collaborate on The Savage Bees (1976), where a swarm of Killer Bees invade the Superdome in New Orleans, and its awful sequel, Terror Out of the Sky (1978); in between those were Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo (1977), which is pretty self-explanatory, and It Happened at Lakewood Manor (alias Ants, alias Panic at Lakewood Manor, 1977), where an unearthed colony of belligerent ants attack a hotel and several celebrity guest stars.

Trueblood also wrote a teleplay where a displaced great white shark gets trapped in a lake at a resort after a massive hurricane and the resulting flooding, which eventually morphed into the basis for JAWS 3 (1983), when Lansburg took over that production when the proposed spoof of National Lampoon’s JAWS 3, People 0 fell apart in a cloud of cocaine dust.

But before all of that, back in 1973, Trueblood teamed up with producer Bryan Grindoff on a script about a kidnapping caper gone horribly awry in ways one wouldn’t think possible. Their script was inspired by the real life kidnapping of Barbara Jane Mackle in 1968, who was abducted for ransom and spent three days buried alive before she was found and rescued. The harrowing incident would be officially adapted later as the TV movie 83 Hours ‘Til Dawn (1990).

Losin' It (1983).

Grindoff would later pitch in on the script for Walter Hill’s bare-knuckle brawler Hard Times (1975), which is arguably Charles Bronson’s best film; and would later co-write and produce the teenage boner comedy Losin’ It (1982), an early starring role for Tom Cruise. Directed by Curtis Hanson as a period piece, it’s a prime example of the subgenre, which sees a group of rowdy California teens cross the border into Mexico to lose their virginity at a notorious Tijuana whorehouse.

But for The Candy Snatchers (1973), Trueblood ignored the happy ending of the true-life case and delivers a downbeat and rather skeevy tale that is short-circuited just a bit by his extensive background in network TV. How?

Well, it’s because that’s what this movie feels like: one of those old, hard-nose detective shows from the 1970s like Kojak (1973-1978) or Baretta (1975-1978) or Police Story (1973-1980), which weren’t afraid to stick their audiences’ noses into some rather unseemly subject matter even though they had to keep things Standards and Practices friendly. 

It also brought to mind an episode of Starsky and Hutch (S02.E15, 1977), where a girl is kidnapped and stashed in a derelict van at a wrecking yard, and our heroes employ a psychic to divine her whereabouts before she gets flattened and pulped by the car crusher.

And from what we've seen so far, that's exactly how this movie has been playing out: a by the numbers ‘70s era police procedural.

Of course, with an R-rated feature film, Trueblood and Grindoff had no such boundaries, giving them the freedom to really muddy the waters and sleaze things up as their film takes the first of many startling turns and veers way, way off the usual course. And things do go wrong, all around, in very disturbing ways as the film progresses from here. So fair warning: there be spoilers ahead. Big ones.

From the hideously infectious theme song "Money is the Root of all Happiness" that'll bore into your brain, to the gonzo dialogue, to the brutal treatment of its namesake character, I honestly can't recall a movie that was more wrong on so many levels than this thing. It's a vintage piece of 1970s grindhouse sleaze and unflinching violence that, to be sure, would never, ever, not even in a million years, get made today.

Every character and scene basically grinds up in its own gears until there's nothing left standing. And just when you think it can't get any worse -- it does! Yes, the kidnappers' meticulous plan appears to be going off without a hitch, but there were two factors that they weren't prepared for:

Guerdon and Christopher Trueblood.

The first was the unexpected presence of Sean Newton, a child somewhere on the autistic spectrum, who also appears to be mute. Sean (played by Trueblood's own son Christopher) plays around the industrial area where Candy was buried. 

In fact, he watched the others do this; but he doesn't quite grasp what's going on, and inadvertently tortures the victim further by dropping peanuts down the air shaft (-- when he's not plugging it up with his hand!).

Then, when the boy hears his harpy of a mother (Bolland) calling for him, upon his return home, she gives the boy a whipping for running off -- before chucking him via airmail into the bathtub. (Wow. Anybody got Child Services on speed dial?)

The second, and more dastardly turn of events happens when Avery, instead of heading for the ransom drop, goes home to find his lush-of-a-wife, Katherine (Dorn), already in her cups. 

Mixing her another stiff cocktail, he then lies, saying Candy is spending the night with some friends, and then Avery, the weasel, takes the ransom diamonds to his mistress (Major), gives them to her as a present(!), and they both hop in the sack for a little nookie(!!).

Meanwhile, the kidnappers, fearing that Avery isn't taking them seriously when he doesn't show for the ransom drop, decide to up the ante. After digging Candy back up, and warning the girl that the only thing keeping her alive is her blindfold, they take the victim to their hideout; an abandoned house only half-constructed.

Once there, Alan wants to rape the girl, but the brutish Eddie starts to get protective. Telling them both to forget about the girl, Jessie tries to get her caper back on track. (Because, say it with me, money is the root of all happiness.)

To escalate the sense of urgency and that they mean business, the trio torture Candy further, forcing her to scream a message for help into a tape recorder. That's not enough for Alan, however, who wants to cut her ear off and send it along with the taped demand, too. But when it comes right down to doing the deed, turns out none of them have the stomach for it.

Not to worry, says Jessie, she’s got another solution in mind; the results of which is a pretty embarrassing scene with a morgue attendant, who likes to negotiate his price for body parts with some nonsensical scatting (-- that would have Cab Calloway not only spinning in his grave but detonating). He's also got a thing for fondling the corpses while waxing poetically about the unfairness of life's lost opportunities to screw after you're dead. *sigh*

When the singing and necro-fondling mercifully comes to a stop, Jessie has her needed ear. But before delivering the new ransom demands, Jessie and Alan want to bury Candy again -- only Eddie won't let them.

Seems Eddie and Candy kind of had a bizarre heart to heart while the siblings were off fetching that ear. You see, Eddie’s a Vietnam vet who's been trampled over by life. He's also got a thing for Jessie, but fears she's too far out of his league.

But any sympathy the big, sweaty lug has garnered for his actions to protect Candy are torpedoed in a later scene when he confronts Jessie with his feelings. For when she rejects him, he attacks her and, well, I don't think I need to draw you a picture, Fellow Programs.

Now, despite the rapidly crumbling foundation of their partnership, the dream of a big payoff soon gets everyone back on the same page again. And while Eddie delivers the ear and tape to Avery, Jessie sends Alan back to the house to kill Candy. Why? I think to just piss Eddie off for what he did to her, but I can't be sure.

Meanwhile, Sean ventures into the villain's hideout and finds Candy tied up. He takes the gag and blindfold off, but he can't undo the knots binding her hands and feet. Here, Candy pleads for him to go and get help, but by the time Sean figures out what she wants it's too late as Alan shows up!

The young boy manages to hide, but watches as Alan first strips and then forcibly rapes the helpless girl -- very graphically, and very loudly -- and all of that is just as unpleasant as it sounds to watch. (Gah!)

And we barely have time to recover from that horrific scene before we finally find out what that schmuck Avery is up to, when he doesn't react as expected after Eddie delivers the ear. Turns out Avery was only Candy's step-dad, and he only married Katherine for her money. But most of that money is locked up in a trust set up by her late father that Candy is due to inherit when she turns 21.

Ergo, Avery is counting on these kidnappers to kill her, and then he can get his hands on the girl's millions by default, ditch the lush, and then skip off to South America with his mistress.

This revelation, of course, pisses Eddie off, who gets even more pissed off when he finds out what Jessie and Alan are up to. After racing back to the hideout, Eddie proceeds to kick the shit out of Alan -- too late to stop the rape, but in time to prevent Candy's death. 

During the confusion, Sean manages to escape but all attempts to convey to his mother that someone nearby needs help go for naught, including a scene where he tries to use one of his talking dolls to call for help over the phone.

There are several other disheartening scenes involving poor, perpetually snot-nosed Sean and his f@ckawful parents, like one where his mother dopes him up on pills so he won’t ruin a dinner party with his dad's boss -- which turns into a phantasmagorical scene all on its own. There’s more, but I honestly don’t have the heart to drag out the details.

Back at the hideout, with nothing else to lose, the kidnappers decide to take one more run at Avery and the diamonds. First they hit a gun shop and arm up. They've also decided that Candy is no longer of any use to them and is expendable.

Here, Eddie volunteers to do the deed, but just buries her again -- with the promise that he'll dig her up and let her go once they finish with her no account step-dad.

Then, the treacherous trio goes after Candy's mom first. But Avery still won't play ball until they threaten to reveal his plans to the cops and finally agrees to meet them at the jewelry store with the diamonds. Nut-job Alan then kills Katherine anyway, saying she was number eleven. (Eleven what?)

As should be expected by now, the meeting with Avery goes bad, and things quickly escalate out of control: 

When Avery goes for his own gun hidden in a drawer, Alan kicks the door shut, smashing his hand. Alan then pegs Avery as number twelve before shooting him in the guts. He then turns the gun on Eddie, saying he's about to be number thirteen.

But Eddie grabs Jessie's carbine, which goes off, hitting Alan in the head, killing him instantly. Eddie then takes the diamonds, grabs Jessie and tries to flee. But not wanting to leave her brother behind, the girl runs back inside -- right into Avery, who’s still kicking, and armed -- and she takes several bullets point blank in the chest.

Meanwhile, Eddie escapes, with Avery in hot pursuit, and returns to the spot where Candy's buried. Upon arrival, he and Avery have a shoot-out. Luckily, Eddie manages to kill Avery, and then starts to dig up Candy. Here, he pulls up the air tube and uses this to help dig -- but then another shot rings out and Eddie takes one in the chest.

What the hell?! Was Avery still alive?

Nope. When Eddie looks around to see who shot him, a slow pan reveals it was Sean -- SEAN !?! -- pointing a gun at him.

That's right; the kid is packing. (Where did the gun come from? I honestly don't know.) And as Eddie begs the boy to put the gun down, Sean only shoots him again, killing him deader than a Greek watch.

Then we hear Sean's mother screaming for him to come home. And when Sean heads down the hill and out of sight, his mother keeps on screaming until we hear another gunshot. The screaming stops.

And then, as the camera pans back to reveal the hole where Candy's breathing tube was, we can hear her muffled crying underneath the layers of earth as the screen fades to black.

Well. Wasn't that a nice #@%*ing turd-burger of an ending.

I really wish I could translate into words the exact noise I made during the conclusion of The Candy Snatchers when first encountered. An incredulous cry, choked off by an incoherent babbling, that degenerated into a full fledged roar of anger and profanity when I realized the ramifications of what Sean had done, and that Candy was doomed to die in her shallow grave because of them.

Not the kid’s fault. I get that. Evil is punished, but the film tells us bluntly that the price was way too high. (Heav-vey!)

The Candy Snatchers became quite infamous because of that pisser of an ending when it was first released, but it's been wallowing in obscurity ever since. People who'd actually seen it, championed it as a forgotten exploitative gem. And for nearly three decades, the inability to see the damned thing to confirm those claims only added to the film's notorious reputation.

 The Cincinnati Post (May 11, 1973).

But now that it's out and readily available on a spiffy home video release on several different labels, I honestly don't know if it will help or hurt the film's cult status. See my review of Rene Daalder’s Massacre at Central High (1976) for more thoughts on this phenomenon.

Lurid, pessimistic, brutal, and unpleasant to watch, but the best word to describe the film would probably be unpredictable. As a viewer, you're sucked in with absolutely no clue as to what twist or turn will come next.

These characters are all scum-buckets, but believable scum-buckets -- we're dealing with the bottom of the food chain here, Fellow Programs. And the only two exceptions, Sean and Candy, don't belong in this world. They are there just to be kicked around and abused.

All the actors involved play their characters well. Tiffany Bolling was a treat as always, and Ben Piazza only comes behind William Atherton when it comes to playing this kind of weasel. Vincent Martorano was an old college friend of Trueblood’s and got the role as a favor; but Susan Sennet truly shines in her thankless role (-- she was actually 28 when this film was made); and what makes that ending almost work is young Christopher Trueblood's startling performance.

Look, by no stretch of the imagination is The Candy Snatchers a good film let alone great -- and it's a difficult film to sit through on many levels. After I watched it the first time, I hated it with every fiber of my being. But the more I thought about it, the more it started to work for me. After watching it again for this write up, I didn't hate it, but it still pissed me off. Which, I guess, is a good thing, right?

Regardless, they definitely don't make 'em like this anymore. And whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is up to each and every individual viewer.

Originally posted on December 14, 2005, at 3B Theater.

The Candy Snatchers (1973) Marmot Productions :: General Film Corporation / EP: Robert Misrach / P: Bryan Gindoff / AP: Gary Adelman / D: Guerdon Trueblood / W: Guerdon Trueblood, Bryan Gindoff / C: Robert Maxwell / E: Richard Greer / M: Robert Drasnin / S: Tiffany Bolling, Ben Piazza, Susan Sennett, Brad David, Vince Martorano, Bonnie Boland, Phyllis Major, Dolores Dorn, Christopher Trueblood